Another wonderful day shopping in Glasgow (sarcasm alert).
+ Got parked no problem
+ Bluetooth headphones are great in crowded streets
– Subway was mobbed
– It rained all afternoon
– The shops were mobbed
I was shopping for a Chrissy prezzy for my wife, so I started by putting on my invisibility cloak, also known as headphones. I’ve found you can wander round any shop with these things on and nobody bothers you. They don’t have to be connected, they just have to be visible to others. People see them, not you. Hence the invisibility cloak.
I wandered around Marks & Spencer looking at ladies “lingerie and sleepware” and was amazed at the number of men walking around holding up different pieces of “ladies lingerie and sleepware”, while trying desperately not to make eye contact with each other.
The other thing that amazed me was that queueing was cancelled for the day. There I was in a shop, having selected a piece of “ladies lingerie and sleepware”, not for myself I hasten to add, I waited where the sign said queue here ↓. This bloke walks past me and plants himself in front. I tapped him on the shoulder and said “Excuse me, there’s a queue”. “Oh” he said, “I didn’t know there was a queue.” “Well, there is,” I said “I’m in it and I’m in front of you.” Then I realised my mistake. I still had my invisibility cloak on. Must have nearly given the bloke a heart attack, hearing this voice appear from a pair of headphones!
Don’t try this at home, children. These are highly trained professionals who have, prior to this performance, completed an exhaustive risk assessment. You can’t just pick anyone off the street and expect them to juggle flaming clubs.
If you want to get a hat ….
… get a head. If you don’t have a head, this bloke will sell you one.